It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
