on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do herpes really smell.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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