I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
