They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
