respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
