sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
