Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
