then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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