He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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