Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
