she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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