hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
