Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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