If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
