Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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