Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
