So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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