In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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