so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
