our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
