if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
