he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
