I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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