I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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