Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
