even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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