Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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