i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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