4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
