Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
