i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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