i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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