Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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