I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
