She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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