I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
