i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
