I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
