Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
