what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
