1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
