I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
