Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do herpes really smell.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
