we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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