The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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