i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
