Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
