My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
