i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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