Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
