Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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