there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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