She is in my trunk
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
